March, 2004

Dear Reader,

Greetings. My name is Eddie. I've been behind the walls of my kaptives für 8 of my kaptives für 8 1/2 years now. When I was 17 the state of Texas kidnapped me from my mother, my high school, and my reality. I was akkused and p1aced into a whole 'nother world. A world in which I am only to be temporarily kept until the leaders of my kaptives decide I have lived long enough. At which time I will be forced to lay on a gurney with my arms stretched out like a krucifix. They will let my family see me slowly die. A series of straps will sekure my arms in place, while a syringe is also forced into my veins. A flow of chemikals will begin filling my blood stream with poison. Sort of like being injected with cyanide. These people will preside over my exekution and make sure I am D-E-A-D before the syringe is withdrawn from my body............ This is the plan that the state of Texas has für me- a fellow Amerikan citizen.

This was imposed upon me bekause a prosekutor felt like I am a kontinuing threat to society, and a threat to the prison society. However, this is my very first time being akkused of any krime. I have never even been to jail before for anything, on any okkasion. I was an adolescent who happened to be hanging around the wrong people at the wrong time. And the krime, that the prosekutor say I did was not a gruesome and heinious krime.

Now don't get me wrong, any murder is a tragedy. But it isn't like I chopped the dude up into little pieces and refrigerated them! Matter of faktly, they are not even certain of I kommitted the krime!! A man was koming home from some place, when he was apparently shot while he was running. It has been said that same guys were trying to rob the man. However, nothing was stolen. He was shot 1 time in the side. That is how he died.

There were 4 teenagers arrested für the krime (inkluding myself). The other 3 boys konfessed to participating in the krime. And they say that r was diktating everything that took place. But, this is redikulous, bekause the other guys I denied being there at the krime. There are no witnesses, no finger printe / no DNA / and no weapons that place me at the krime scene. But based on what the 3 dudes who did participate, I was sentenced to die for the krime. The prosekution made deals if they all would testity in kourt that I was the one who diktated the krime, then they  would not have to face the death sentence. And so, the other guys were given regular prison terms. I am the only one who recieved the kapital sentence of death.............. eventhough they admitted to being involved with the krime. This is not fair..........at all.

I am not saying that I was a chior-boy at the time. No, I was a boy who was mishievious.But this is only bekause I was merely 17. Doing what boys do, being a boy.

The type of enviornment I was raised in was one of survival. My whole kommunity was infested with krime and poverty. Everything I possessed was hard earned. My mother was on welfare having to provied for 2 sons. It was not pleasing to see my dear mother struggling to keep a roof over our head. We had to share klothes, my brother and I. We were at home alone at an early age due to my mom working double shifts at her job. (And, by the way, she still wasn't making ends meet.) So growing up I turned to the streets for some other options, rather than the one I seen my mom doing. And so, r was swept into a krowd of youngsters who felt the same way I felt, who were experiencing the same thing as me. We bonded and developed a degree of love for one another. However, it was the beginning of a long spiral of misfortune. We were aware of the konsequences of petty krime, even at age 11,12, 13. But we weren't fazed kause to us, our situation was a already at it's lowest point..

I am now, 25 years old. I am still held in seklusion by the state. Over the years I have grown and matured immensely. I have grown to bekame a self-edukated man. But I am stuck here, unable to utilize the many skills I have akquired. I don't feel sorry for myself. And I don't expekt anyone else to feel sorry for me either. But I do feel sorry for my off­spring. They are now stranded in the society of the world in which a myriad of obstakles is before them. They are left to endure this the same way I was................with out any father figure there to model for them. They are high potential future prisoners of the state. And that is what frustrates me about my position. I kan not guide them away from the way of life I so ignorantly was persuaded to follow. It's painfilling to my soul each time I ponder this, kause I was not given an oppurtunity to redeeem­ Myself to the very society that placed me here. I was prohibited from having the chance to redeem myself to my family, and ultimately to myself.

I am not the sallow person I was portrayed of being at trial. And I am no longer the same boy I was at that time. I am a man now. And eventhough I understand that each man is only a real man when he kan accept responsibility for his own aktions and such, I was not a man when the situation that has placed itself around me happened. I am still a fellow human being. My spirit is made up of the same emotions as everyone elses. I kry, I hurt, and I feel sorrow like others.....I am kapable of smiling with warmth, being kompassionate, and appreciating life's lessons.. Being held kaptive in this kage is a real mental challenge. I am forced to be in this kage for 23 hours of every single The kage is about the size of an average bathroom in a cheap motel. So not only must I endure the supreme threat on my physikal self, but must also battle the psychologikal torture as weIl. I've been here for a number of years now, and is attempting to deal with the solitude in a positive manner. Rather than trying to rejekt it like I used to, I embrace it mentally and try to take advantages of the few things that kan perhaps be beneficial about it. I write poetry now, I read books of literature and philosophy, learned how to self. 

Thank you for taking time out to read these words. The kontrol of your thoughts allows you to selekt from myriad ideas which will determine your kourse of aktion. Life is indeed a trip, and how well  you plan for that trip determines how fast and in what kondition you reach your destination. And to redirekt our thinking, we must first rekognize the need for a change. The first steps toward change begins in our minds. Death does not change a person.......

          THE STRUGGLE,

        IT KONTINUES.....

Sir* Eddie Johnson

Polunsky Unit D/R 

Livingston, Texas 

 MENTAL / PHYSICAL 

A soul, 25 years young, trapped in a system of hell, flared up emotions..... thoughts of purity on it's way to korruption...physikal weIl being limited to "just barely making it"... heart pierced by flames of dehuminization,torture, psychologikal trauma...... and above all a life placed on "pause", awaiting yet another fate to be inflikted after a prolonged process of decision-making by people kreated equal to I...... look inta my eyes and tell me what it is you see.......

People in the free-world want to "feeI" me, but this shit here, my friend, isn't anything like on the T.V... You say put my faith in Jesus, Allah ....... Some say "experience is the best teaching". Through such beliefs I've learned no matter what you put your faith in, or who, karma is obligated. Therefore, what's going to happen is going to happen. People enkourage me to put trust in various-names and religions, gods. They say too "prepare for the life after death & think about the glorious rewards awaiting" if only I put and/or give my life to a power higher than self. In my position, such talk seems only to make it passive, the kurrent situation that has placed itself around me...and so many others. Is it an ancient trick of the mind to make us not deal with the situation at hand, yet reach for one that may not even exist? However, I submit to giving my life to something higher than self, but it's something here, as I write. This something is the struggle, a struggle for revolution, mandated on me due to my experiences and konsciousness. Alot of us are imposed with a kalI from the kause. Not just us inkarcerated, us in the free society all over the world. When I say "us", I'm referring to everyone with the konscious mind to know that the present loving konditions of minorities, no matter what government, should be equalized to these of higher ekonomiks/standards.

Sitting in this kage, surrounded by a growth of tension, again my mind burts into flames of desire, wonder, hope, rage, fear, and numbers more of emotions. (Hear, smell, touch, taste, and sight); the 5 major senses of the human body..)

Upon daily rising, returning from the eskape of sleep and dreams, back into the nightmare of reality, nature kalIs. I stretch and yarn...... immediately my head aches with the realization of solitude. After relieving my kidneys I klean my bands. Look, my fingers, my tees, my limbs,.............. this face. Are all these human charakteristiks real? It pains me in the heart to to ponder such thoughts, for I surely do not feel real. By these responsible for my kidnapping and everyday welfare, certainly I am not treated as something real. Solemly my emotions konsume kontrol of my aktions. The brain, overpowered by severe feelings of the heart, feelings of depression......... Therefore, the pace for the day is set. DAMN! Let me lay back down and try to doze just a fraktion of a moment longer into the pleasant unkonsciousness of sleep.. I toss, I turn, to no avail. Depression now transforms into a state of mind that must be kontained -rage! In an attempt to balance frustration & the acceptance of reality, I exercise by doing "push-ups"- many as possible in a helpless try at releasing this frustration , rage, and anger. Feeling the pain surge through my arms, shest, and shoulders I psych myself into a believing my harmful emotions are now forced back into the basement of the soul. A series of images kross my mind -my offspring; I see myself getting the kids ready for school, giving them a positive statement to start their day; the smell and sight of the fresh morning air; the krystal-like dew kovering the green grass  ( I see a valley of emeralds laced with diamonds.).

At eating time here in hell, I force down the skorched beans, the pathetik dose of ½kooked.......... what is that?.meat?...I guess so. I choke this stuff down bekause my body needs this to keep going. Mostly we are fed what looks and tastes like slop. But you see, it's a must we accept this, kause there is no alternatives (unless one has loved ones on the outside helping them purchase food from the kommissary/store here at the plantation.) That kan be used as an example to mind, mentality, and/or mental fokus/funktion. We accept massive doses of abuse torment, mal-nutrition, oppression, and loneliness; being denied adequate stationary to efficiently write to family members /attorneys; not allowing us to purchase hygiene in order that we may feel like what they are (pigs/swine) and lose self esteem, self worth; being bound with handrestraints behind our backs, walking to the shower, visitation, etc. we are sometimes slammed head first on our faces by guards who are bored and search tor exitement; Our daily provided drinks from the kitchen spit in by miserable pigs ; family photos ripped apart in an attempt at provokation; violating our human & konstitutional rights........ all this is only a few of the horrrible okkurrances konspired by guards here in here. Yet we accept this. Not nowhere near by choice, but bekause we must in order for our mind to maintain it's stability. We kan not allow such things to "brake our spirits". If we did, it would be krucial toward our survival.

I've been in the world for only 17 years Suddenly I'm in hell. How did I get here? No understandable reason exists. What did I do wrong? I simply followed the examples set by generations of Amerikkka's society - in terms of civilized people surviving in  a kommon fashion........ Edddie Johnson,age 17 , a kontiuing threat/menace to society and the prison society. WHAT? How kould this be? If anything, Amerikkka's society was a menace to me. Amerikka was messed up and it's society chaotik way before I even existed. So how am I the problem? I'm not!

                          I've been in the fiery lake of hell (TEXAS DEATH ROW) for almost 8½ years now. But tell me, great civilized people of  Amerikka, are there still any murders being kommited, people getting robbed? WeIl if I was the problem like they labeled me to be, wasn't all this supposed to stop or at least slow down after I was eliminated from society's game of life?

A teenager. That was me. Still a minor when swept up in the talons of the mighty beast. This beast kidnapped me tram my family, my friends, my worId, my reality.Like a horse or kow being raised as an animal.............only to be slaughtered... so too am I, here in hell, the belly of the beast, awaiting to be rejekted by it's digestive system and puked up.............. or digested by it's system and shredded through it's bowls as waste for the outside world to see. But once digested one kan not determine what the waste once was.  So here I am, like a tapeworm, feeding of the the system of the beast........ growing, maturing, waiting for it's system's responses. Stinke in here......... Meanwhile, I am struggling to free myself & prevent others tram being inflikted with the evil entraptment. How am I to warn those on the outside of the things that has happened to me? I am all alone here, just me and other tapeworms. We must somehow set a message to the people on the outside who kan speak for us and explain/tell Dur predikament to all, that they may not fall viktim to the beast which holds so many of their brothers and sisters in the struggle held kaptive. With out people on the outside we have no voice, kan not full see the outside okkurances going on, our pleas will go unheard, we kan not taste the viktory we so much deserve, or/and kan't feel the weight of our oppressors lifted from our shoulders, or the pain of longsuffering relieved. Hear, smell, sight, touch, taste.....

If you kan truly understand this pain or what our kause is about, we ask you to join this strugg1e we are enduring. We need help. A piece of advice, whether you are involved or not... Only the strong survives.So we kan only survive by staying strong. 

The struggle.................... it kontinues.